dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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