I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize