She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
