I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
P.S. I can't hear my feet
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
