From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
