dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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