just tell him i said nine months
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Randomize
