She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
