And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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