): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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