i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
