I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
