So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
