He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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