I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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