I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
