Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
