Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
