apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
