My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
