So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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