she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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