Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
