Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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