Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
