Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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