i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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