i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
