My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
