See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I smell like Dick and happiness
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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