i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
