1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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