my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My cat gives me a boner
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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