Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
