I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
