if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
