my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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