Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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