New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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