how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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