somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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