Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
