the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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