My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
