and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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