as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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