Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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