Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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