just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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