I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
