all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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