so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
