at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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