You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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