My brain says no but my pants say off.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
