Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
