Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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