just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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