Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
