And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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