got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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