Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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