how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
