I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
