Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
