i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
