i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
