I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Your penis caused this!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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