Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
