shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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