Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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