So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize