I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
